Unsettle

Yesterday I was almost scammed by someone I know in the Kakao talk group. His name is Lee Won. The thing that I do after I get the scam delivery email is tell my parents about this which turns out to be a worrisome matter. This thing makes me feel unsettled, unsafe, depressed, anxious and worried all the time.

I keep blaming and hating myself for the things that happened. The good thing is I’m not losing any money and I’m grateful for that but the worst thing is that it makes my mental state turn into a crash after all the calm in my deepest ocean. Moreover, it hurts me so bad to write this eulogy since I really don’t know what to do to cope with this uncomfortable feeling. I even booked an appointment with a psychologist today.

As it goes by, my brain is screaming with every negative thought. When I try to fight those thoughts all I can do is try to keep them away from the happy thoughts area which not only tear the defense wall but also open more bloodshed. However, I’m grateful that I still have my family and my best friends who are always there for me without judgment in every condition including this one.

Last but not least, I pray that I’ll be safe and sound in the realm of unsettled land till I can reach the land of calmness. Please let me forget, forgive myself, and be safe from them. I'm scared and feel so unsafe right now, SOS.

-W-