28

Turning 28 in October feels like standing at the edge of a cliff, compelled to battle alongside those nearing the end of their 20s and approaching 30. It's undeniably challenging, yet giving up seems impossible as the path back is too distant. Additionally, numerous challenges and difficulties accumulate, with relentless pressure and stress, leading me to contemplate ending my life occasionally. However, I refrain because I still have a desire to live, despite being weary of all the drama. The situation deteriorates with a home that has lost its comfort, as past traumas resurface, and I despise the version of myself that exists at home with a family that, albeit indirectly, has inflicted the deepest and most painful wounds.

This made me want to go far away, but unfortunately, I haven't discovered the key to leave. Instead, my younger sibling got the key; the scholarship I was aiming for was awarded to my sibling, with whom I was competing at the time. I don't blame anyone, as I believe that fortune will find its path, and I trust that Allah will always provide what is necessary and best for His servant, not necessarily what is desired.

However, I sometimes feel sad as I wonder why I was given a challenging path while my younger sibling received an easier one. I trust that Allah does not test His servants beyond their capabilities, but it's uncomfortable to continue with a broken heart, a troubled mind, and weary legs. Still, I must keep going and act as though everything is alright.

Frequently, I feel the urge to cry, yet I must remain the most competent and resilient, unable to show vulnerability and cry when I need to release the turmoil within my mind and heart. Persistently I pray for strength and ease, just to endure until I can unlock the path to soar toward my goals and dreams without being hindered by my surroundings.

-W-