2020 + 2

Since the pandemic is starting to emerge in February 2020 everything is in the pause mode and the story is stop in a page even though it seems like all the events is still continue like usual but for me I feel like I’m walking in the same space when all of my page is stop at the edge and if I choose the wrong step I’ll be fall into the deadly river with all the hungry carnivore creatures.

It’s painful but all I can do is walk in the fire of the pages with a broken heart no matter how much is my efforts, failures, and achievement that I’ve got. However, I’m still trying to be strong at least for myself because I want to fight and I want to win this never ending also unpredictable war within myself. Aside from that, I believe that after two years of this pandemic there still a hope for a better days even though I’m still fighting with all the pain, insecurity, anxiety, depression, and my bad days. Then, for me 2022 is still just the same as in the 2020 we just add 2 in the end. Aside from, that the condition isn’t really different since we’re still struggling with everything that broke us into a pieces after the pandemic push the stop button then alter with obstacles mode button.

Well, to be honest I’m struggling a lot with job searching and another complex issues its depressing, sad, and full of unpredictable days that make me anxious like crazy. Then, if you want to know how I feel every day I often feel worthless, hopeless, and depressed when I got into a slum of failure but I’m always trying to be strong and go for another fight since I still have a hope and a chance for a better days when all of my goals is accomplish and all the days is mostly a happy day without any gloomy clouds in the sky.

All those fights that I’m going through is full of blood, sweat, and tears, well you can say that I’m a zombie that live and fight at my best like I’m alive but I’m dying inside with a zombie brain that told me to keep walking till I got the antidote to fight this zombie virus then turn me back into a human again with senses, emotions, and mood. Well, 2022 thank you for making this lifeless human still walking at her path with hope and her prayer to continue her fight with her complex issues, failure, and all the torturing pain that already took life from her.

Last but not least, I just want to say that I love you but I hate you because you make me struggling a lot this year. Anyway, all I just want for a simple favor please go easy on me at least for this month and please just let me walk in an easier path especially for the job hunting I want to get accepted into a job before 26 since I’m tired and I admit it’s too hard also too painful for me to bear.

-W-

#2022sstory